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The vast majority of Christians or Muslims are not mean-spirited, deliberately obtuse and deceptive about what they say to the public versus what really goes on within their ranks. I know because I was within an evangelical bible-based Christian sect for nineteen years of my life, a Youth Leader in fact. I know because having spent a portion of my childhood in the religiously diverse Caribbean island of Trinidad and Tobago, I had friends from all faiths, Hindu, Muslim and a wide variety of Christian denominations from Roman Catholic to Pentecostal to Jehovah’s Witness. All of us were genuinely decent people, eager to present the best possible picture of our religion for truly genuine reasons.
Sixteen years ago if you would have asked me if I hated gays and lesbians I would have said to you with all heartfelt sincerity, “Of course not! I love gay people. Love the sinner and hate their sin!”
Of course this was a fallacious statement but please understand, it was not a deliberate lie or even a malicious one. No more deliberate or malicious than when the average Muslim tells you, “Islam is a religion of peace,” and “Of course we are tolerant of different beliefs,” while at the same time reading violently intolerant Quaranic verses and being reinforced with the opposite by certain imams.
How can such a dichotomy exist within the human heart? I’ll tell you how.
You see, at the time, I truly believed what I said made logical and spiritual sense.
Today I can admit that deep down I felt my sense of fair play challenged when I was expected to applaud an undue amount of vitriolic anti-gay sermons in church, especially when I saw the double-standard of more dire issues left unaddressed and certain religious leaders guilty of all kinds of inappropriate behavior that by scriptural standards was far more severe. Yes I had an uneasy conscience when I was expected to participate in perpetuating information about gays and lesbians I knew deep down was not really true especially after meeting gays and lesbians in person. Yes I felt the tug on my heartstrings when I saw the pain it caused them to be on the receiving end of retributive actions against them by my fellow Christians. I knew somewhere deep down in my heart of hearts that it was not truly “Christian” to deliberately pursue actions that would bring suffering to another even if you considered them sinful or an enemy.
However the thing about being a “believer” from an early age is that you are taught that these feelings are a kind of weakness and you need to suck it up and be strong in the Lord. It gets to the point where the unpleasant conflict you feel inside becomes so distressingly frustrating you begin to believe it is a tool of Satan instead of a crack in your comfort zone that lets some light of truth in. With practice it becomes second nature cover these cracks and get back to your comfortable assurances. If you have ever wondered how people can participate with such hard-heartedness in stonings and hangings. It’s the same reason my father turned away a desperate Hindu family in need from renting one of our properties without a second thought because he did not want them practicing their pagan idolatry in any residence he owned. The look on that little Indian boy’s face as they were turned away still haunts me to this day. A look of, “What is wrong with me and my parents?” as his innocence shattered.
But when you truly have faith you are the “saved ones” and everyone else is part of Satan’s world, what do you expect? For those who believe that the bible is the inerrant word of God and that the passages used to condemn homosexuality are being accurately interpreted and aptly applied by their Pastor, what other course is there? I am sure a Muslim follower of Sharia Law will say the same about why they must harden their heart pelt that first stone to batter the pleading face of a woman buried up to her shoulders in sand.
I truly believed the story of attempted xenophobic gang rape in Sodom in Genesis 19 related to homosexuals, even those in committed relationships. I never questioned how come it was perfectly fine to cherry pick from the Mosaic Laws of Leviticus and Deuteronomy which abominations were more relevant than others for modern day people. I believed that the references to male temple prostitutes in the book of Kings, clearly shows God does not like homosexuals. I believed the letters of the apostle Paul were direct, God-given rules for Christians to follow to the letter just like a new kind of Mosaic Law. Even his directives about the role of women (yes my church was THAT strict and women were not allowed to have any leadership roles). When my Pastor said that Romans 1:26-27 referred to homosexuals both male and female being against the laws of nature, I trusted what he said was right. It truly seemed to be what the scripture was saying when you read just those verses without understanding of ancient Greek language and the context of the culture of the Romans and their orgy-filled pagan rites. In fact, my total lack of knowledge of ancient Greek words meant all of Paul’s references to catamites and pederasts were seen as references to all the present day homosexual people I knew.
Even if things did not always add up logically, I had faith and I was told that faith was more important than knowledge. Even if things seemed unfair and inhumane at times, I had faith and I was taught how to harden my heart and somehow be able to sleep at night even with the belief that some of the best school mates I had were going to hell for being non-Christians and not interested in converting when I preached fervently to them. And I was one hell of a holy rolling, scripture quoting spitfire of a pre-teen and teenager. I now look back with embarrassment and sincere apology to those poor girls who suffered one of my sermons.
Remember those cracks? Well a funny thing happened to widen them. On the one hand I had this extremely comforting and reassuring belief and on the other, growing academic opportunities and with it, exposure to life-altering knowledge and also a family life disintigrating all around me. The cracks began to get harder to gloss over. During family bible study of the flood in Genesis and my questions about the logistics of such a thing in light of the geography and biology I was learning in school, I saw my father, an educated man, deliberately engage in fallacy and then emotional blackmail and thinly veiled threats when he could not answer my questions. I could tell it was not truth that was truly important to him. He was far more worried I was losing my faith and by extension his ability to control my behavior. It was the lie in his eyes when I asked him if he truly believed all of this that convinced me that no amount of faith can ever make a thing that is not true, true.
How does one discover truth? Certainly not through believing in something because of family/cultural tradition or a highly emotional experience or because it feels so comforting or because you feel guilty, or because you are scared or because you want to belong or because you want some reward or fear some punishment. I learned the hard way how deep and intoxicating the sense of comfort was to just stay where I was. I mean try grappling with your fears without it…not easy. There is deep solidarity with your brothers and sisters and safety in the predictability of the routine, ready-made doctrine and rules and a community where you always know where you stand and who you can count on. Try learning how to select friends and invest your trust based on something more than, “Are you Christian?”
There is a self-esteem boosting you get from being just that bit closer to the Kingdom of God than the unbelievers and I admit, the chance to gloat on those who make you feel those disquieting cracks I mentioned earlier. Try dealing with your shortcomings and seeing those who are supposed to be unsaved enjoying more success and happy home life without this ego-booster. Not easy! Especially when your parents are going through a divorce and the only warm loving home you find sanctuary in is that of your lapsed Roman Catholic (hell-bound pagan papist) school friend whose family is not only in tact but far more healthy than yours. How can that be? You wonder.
So I can understand completely if some people simply “Do not WANT to know” because of fear of losing all of this and the most important part of the equation- that sense of inner peace from the personal relationship with the Divine Creator. For many this and the dogma/church are mutually exclusive.
Any knowledge that could challenge this will end everything peaceful and purposeful in their lives. I know people who without the structure of a legalistic faith-based belief, rigid rules and ever-so-nosy religious community will actually fall into directionless, destructive behavior. They are spiritual babes who need that kind of milk- the recovering addicts, abandoned mothers, insecure men, regret-ridden and grieving among us. Unfortunately I fear there are religious leaders who are cynics at heart out for easy power positions and financial gain that exploit such people and love is an enemy to their objectives.
The love I speak of is true Agape love or what the older Eastern faiths can call universal/unconditional Divine love. Universal/unconditional love trumps EVERYTHING, church, dogma and scripture for no book written by man about God could ever trump God. Those who believe their holy book and religious bureaucracy has captured God so perfectly, absolutely and infinitely and can now be used as a means to read God’s mind and predict God’s actions are truly underestimating the definition of Almighty/Alpha and Omega.
Today when I say, “I love my gay and lesbian relatives, friends and neighbors”, I have the conviction of knowledge of Agape love behind that statement. It is the knowledge that you cannot love someone you do not truly see truthfully. One day I asked myself if I was seeing gays and lesbians truly or only seeing what comforted my faith and prejudices. Investigation revealed the latter to be true in my case and I daresay in the case of many of the Christians I knew and still meet today. When I see the misused, hypocritically-applied scriptural references and the stereotypical falsehoods they spread about homosexuals while professing their so-called love, I know their love is a lie because it goes against the grain of truth.
If you do not even have the decency to research the truth about homosexuality, then you do not love homosexuals, sorry. I feel the same about people who tell me they love black people and then spout off all kinds of insulting stereotypes that shows deliberate or negligent ignorance. The same goes for those who use scripture to brush off social injustice or oppose any attempt to ensure society practices the same directive given by Christ in Matt 7:12, “Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them."
How do Christians who deliberately seek retributive action against gays and lesbians square with Luke 6:27, “Love you enemies; do good to those who hate you.” How do they feel about Christ saying that he will judge people professing their allegiance to him based on whether they clothed, fed, sheltered the least of his brothers or what about reading a little further in Romans and seeing the same Paul who you insist on following legalistically say:
"If thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink." Romans 12;20 How does that factor in pressuring companies against giving their gay and lesbian employees equal health and pension so they can take care of their families?
"Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another." Romans 14:19- Is that what some Christians are doing by opposing anti-bullying legislation?
"Overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21 – Even if you believe gays and lesbians to be absolutely EVIL, you are still obligated (if you choose to follow Paul’s letters like THE LAW) to only do good to them.
All of these are the directives least followed by the Religious Right.
It is not that the Christian has to agree with gay marriage or even gay adoption. There were many things Paul did not personally agree with. For instance he was a firm believer in celibacy as the FIRST CHOICE for ALL Christians. He saw marriage as a “second best” outlet only for those too weak to control their lust 1 Cor 7: 8-9. But scattered throughout Paul’s epistles are very clear disclaimers, a possible reason why Peter’s commentary on Paul’s epistles is, “Paul's epistles are hard to understand. And that those who try to understand them, as with the other scriptures, do so "unto their own destruction.” 2 Peter 3:16.
After stating his opinions on marriage, Paul also has a disclaimer in 1 Timothy 4:1-6. He warned Christians to avoid falling prey to certain leaders who try to dictate food, drink, who should and should not marry. He continually warns about taking his opinions too literally, advises to be fully persuaded on one’s own mind and not be children in your understanding nor use his words to judge and stumble others away from the faith. Isn’t it ironic that is exactly what we see going on in many churches today.
Do you think the gay issue is the first heated debate in Christianity? Back in the day, there was the belief only circumcised Jews could be Christians. There were Jewish Christians who believed on pain of death all MUST follow the old laws and would not worship, associate or even break bread with any uncircumcised “so-called” Christians. There were times it almost came to blows! Can you imagine the weight of scripture the Jewish Christians had in their corner? Not just the entire Old Testament but the trump card that Jesus was a Jew and therefore circumcised. The non-Jewish, uncircumcised Christians were like the gay Christians of today in a way. Unpopular, ridiculed, pressured to painfully alter something about themselves in order to fit in and with very little existing scripture to make a case for their inclusion. Yet make a strong case they eventually did using not legalism but the infinite nature of grace. Christianity from its very inception and its nature is a CONTINUOUS DEBATE. It is why we have women in leadership positions today. It is why we place human freedom over any scripture in the bible directing slaves submit to their masters with all fear and trembling. It is why we do not demand female victims of rape prove they screamed or risk stoning.
The inauthentic, hypocritical spiritual approach legalistically embraces doctrine derived from early accounts of man’s quest to understand himself and the Divine, instead of embracing the quest itself.
If you are truly honest and brave, then going by the book will never be your path. You keep your eyes on the spiritual path ahead of you not behind you! The purpose of ancient maps are to only glance at for a point of reference so you can gauge how much you have evolved from whence you came and deepened in your understanding of the first spiritual walkers' rudimentary steps. I guess you can say it is sort of like how Christ approached things when he had an ancient rule in one hand and humanity or even basic practicality (like when he and his disciples picked and ate some wheat on the Sabbath, a capital offence, to the chagrin of the Pharisees) in the other.
